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When I was in high school I would stay up till all hours of the night immersed in whatever book happened to be my current captivation. I would daydream of trekking alone through the jungles of Rwanda, studying gorillas in the wild unknown. I would mimic the prose of Robert Frost and Matthew Arnold, admiring the beauty in their art of painted words. I would wander barefoot through the parks near my house, savoring the feel of living earth beneath my feet, excited by the simple finds of different birds and bugs.

Fast forward ten years and I find myself here – caught in the revolving door of day-to-day. Putting in the hours at a job that brings me great pay and benefits, but no feeling of fulfillment. Hardened by the heartbreak of a world that’s full of pain. I find myself numbed by years of simply surviving. What happened to that girl who found the joy in every day? What happened to the girl who felt the beating of her heart in words, and sounds, and tastes, and sights?

I don’t want to be the girl who only stops to smell the roses. I want to be the girl who feels their petals in her hands and cuts her finger on their thorns. I want to be the girl who sketches them from every angle, till she knows them as the most intimate of friends. I want to be the girl who takes them home to taste in cake, and tea, and bread. I want to be the girl who keeps them only till they’re nearly dead, then sets them free to crumble back to earth.

This blog is me rediscovering my sense of wonder and enjoyment. Through a journey of reading and eating, experimenting and exploring, I hope to find again that girl, refined.

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